George Walker Bush, Jr., Re-elected President of the United States Former alcoholic and functional illiterate George W. Bush has won re-election and will retain his office as 43th President of the United States of America, despite a proven inability to pronounce the word "nuclear".    The final tally of electoral votes was updated live throughout election day, 02 November 2004, by Andrew Tanenbaum of Electoral-Vote.com, where he stayed up all night hopefully tabulating the votes, only to sob bitterly at the sheer monstrous ratfuckery of it all.  He then asked to be excused to the bathroom, from which a single gunshot was later heard.