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Tonight on Playboy Radio: Desires Within Young Girls (1977)

Tonight on Playboy Radio (4:40 Pacific / 7:40 Eastern) I’ll be talking with Debi Diamond and Nicki Hunter aboutÂ Ramsey Karson’sÂ 1977 classic, Desires Within Young Girls. Â (This is another casualty of 70s morals not syncing up with the morals of the early 21st century, as the film has been cut from it’s original running time of 103 minutes to 87 minutes due to some implications of how young the titular “young girls” really are. . . by way of example, you’ll note most series from the early 2000s all suddenly were branded as “College Girls. . . ” instead of just “Girls. . .”)

The movie starts right off with a blowjob backlight by a fireplace as Madeline Stone (Georgina Spelvin) and her husband Charlie (a disguised-to-be-olderÂ John Leslie) are going at it. Â She narrates her sex in a rapid fire beat chick cadence yelling “Ride me! Â Ride me!”, and John over-exaggeratesÂ his southern accent. Â They got at it, and John starts wheezing, and he jokes that he’s getting old. Â She says that he’s not old judging by the evidence that she’s riding, and then shortly after he falls out of her, prompting the admonition: “Ah, look what you done. Â You broke the stride. Â Put my evidence back where it was. . .” as she remounts him. . . when she finally cums, she leaps off and jerks him off, and we see cum flying inÂ silhouetteÂ behind the fireplace. . . and then he dies, leaving Maddie to ponder her fate with a succinct “Oh, shit.” Â Smash cut to the credits.

The credits are rolled over a static shot of a limosuine, after which we get the first cut of the DVD.

There’s a dialogue scene between Maddie and Marty, the ChauffeurÂ (John Seeman)Â that isn’t in the DVD (the first line is left in):

MADDIE: And Marty, and don’t forget, it’s “Mrs. Stone” when we get there, all right?”

MARTY: I’m not going to forget, Maddie. I couldn’t if I tried; you only told me that six times since we left town 20 minutes ago.

MADDIE:Â Well, I’m sorry. Â (tries to light cigarette) Martin, please light me a cigarette, I guess I’m just a little nervous.

MARTY:Â That’s no guess, Maddie. Â You’re a lot more than a little nervous

MADDIE:Â Well, how the hell would you feel, going to pick up your own two daughters whom you hardly seen in years and now they’re coming to live with me.

MARTY:Â Well, it’s got to be a lot better than that prison you sent them to.

MADDIE:Â Ballantines may be a very strict school, but it happens to be the best girlsÂ boardingÂ school in this country

MARTY:Â Aw, c’mon Maddie, they’ll love you!

MADDIE:Â When you get on the other side of the big 4-0 you find people start loving you a little less —

MARTY:Â Jesus Christ, Maddie! Â You’re not exactly ready to be put out to pasture —

MADDIE:Â Oh, I don’t kid myself, Marty. Â Sure, I had it once, but — hell, I’m out of practice; Charles has spoiled me

MARTY:Â Well, as far as I’m concerned you still got it.

MADDIE:Â You’re sweet. Â But you know, fond memories don’t pay the liquor bill or YOUR salary for that matter. Â That’s the thing about life, it keeps happening. . . the first of every goddamned month. . .

At which point, the car pulls into the boarding school, which is where the DVD picks up.

(I can’t tell what is offensive in that scene that you’d want it cut out of the movie. . . that it establishes the girls as her daughters and not her step-daughters?)

Cecelia (Annette Haven)Â and Penelope (Clair Dia) exit the school with Maddie and head towards the car. Â We get a shot of Cissy coquettishlyÂ smilingÂ at Marty.

Then there’s another dialogue scene in the car that’s been cut from the DVD. Â The girls and Maddie are in the back seat, driving back home:

MADDIE: (awkwardly clears throat) I think there’s one thing we ought to get straight, right off the bat, girls. Â My name is Maddie, to everyone it’s Maddie — people I like, people I don’t like, people I love and to loathe; everyone calls me Maddie. Â It’s short for Madeline, not for Mother. So please, call me Maddie, never Mother. Â Don’t misunderstand me — it’s not that I don’t love the idea of being a mother, I love being a mother, it’s just the name I can’t live with. Â So Maddie it is, alright girls?

PENELOPE: Maddie is fine with us.

CECILIA: Jinx! You owe me a Coke.

MADDIE:Â What did you say? Â Is that some sort of pig latin or something?

CECILIA:Â “Jinx, you owe me Coke?” It’s a game you play when you start to say something at the same time as someone else.

MADDIE:Â Do you have any idea what she’s talking about?

PENELOPE:Â She’s just a little nervous; we both are.

MADDIE:Â Oh. Well, then I think it’ll be a good idea if, uh, when you get nervous, both of you endeavor to keep your mouths tightly Â shut. Â You see, there’s nothing more annoying than a chattering woman.

Again, it’s not clear why this scene was cut; perhaps because it makes them seem younger than 18, playing a childish game like “Jinx” ?

In the DVD as well as the movie, we then cut to the girls in their rooms — Annette is looking at Playgirl, Clair is writing in her journal and talking on the phone, then Annette is trying on a variety of outfits; watching her not fit into a jumpsuit is one of life’s small pleasures. Â Then the girls apply their makeup withÂ the score bouncing back and forth between two themes, one for each girl.

And another scene that’s not on the DVD between the two girls, sitting on their beds, reading dirty magazines.

PENNY: This is absolutely impossible. Â Nobody.. NO-body can do this in a car like that. Â (She shows Cissy the magazine)

CISSY: I bet Marty can. . . (she looks thru her magazine) Huh. Â You think that’s impossible? Â Take a look at this!

We see a close up of the article — black and white photos Â of people fucking in odd poses under the headline “COITAL POSITIONS: Â The Erotic Acrobatics”

We get dreamy harps, and the scene dissolves to a field and Cissy is running out of the back of the limo, clad only in a Fredericks of Hollywood cupless underwire bra and panties and stockings as Marty chases her. Â We quickly dissolve back to the bedroom and then back to the car where Marty is spread eagle in the open hood as Cissy is blowing him. . . then they’re on the roof of the car fucking. . . cut to the room and more black and white photos of fellatio, and back to the field where Cissy is blowing Marty some more, and then they’re back on the roof of the car fucking in missionary. Â Cut to the magazine then back to Marty who is eating Cissy out as she’s holding herself in the driver’s side door. Â More magazine and they’re fucking doggie style in the back seat. Â End of scene, no pop shot.

We cut to Maddie who is on the phone, only the last part of her line is on the DVD before it cuts to a scene that’s not in the original cut (but more on that in a second)

MADDIE: That’s right, tomorrow. Â And Friday, Penny. Â Oh, and Mark — kind of watch it with Cissy, she’s a bit prone towards puppy love . . .Â that wasn’t funny, Mark. Â You can leave your sense of humor home, with your cocker spaniel.

Next we have a scene in the kitchen with the girls and Maddie, which seems to be missing a bit on my tape as well, as the context of Penny’s line at the beginning doesn’t make much sense. . .

PENNY:Â Even my newspapers. . .

CISSY:Â Even my birth control pills!

MADDIE:Â Oh God! You didn’t take one, did you?

CISSY: (weakly) I think so. . .

MADDIE:Â Will you two, please remember to forget to take your pills, from here on in? Â Penny, will you run and see if Martin has the car ready?

CISSY:Â I will!

Cissy runs out on the errand.

MADDIE:Â Oh, God — I’m afraid I’ve made my own little Frankenstein’s Monster. Â You know, Penny, you’re going to have to help me keep an eye on Cissy. Â From what Mark says, she’s as horny as she is scattered.

PENNY:Â That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?

MADDIE:Â Now,we are NOT going to get into that again. Â I spent three years putting this little expedition together, and I am in no mood for last minute aggravations.

PENNY:Â Perish the thought, if there’s anything I would not want to be it’s a “last minute aggravation.” (spitefully) Besides, we’re only here for you to use us, like you do everyone else. . .

MADDIE:Â Three years, the last of my bank account and all of my energy have been used up, getting you two little ingrates prepared to find suitable husbands; and that’s not “using you,” it’s called “collecting interest on old investments.” Â Three months it’s taken me to get these invitations together; now if you were just half as smart as your mouth, young lady, you’d realize that you can’t make someone sexy, it’s just the way Cissy is.

PENNY: Lucky her. . .

Cut to the exterior of the house, and Penny calls over to Mark, who is dribbling a basketball.

PENNY: Mark! Â Come here!

MARK: You decided to check up on me huh? Â (He takes a mouthful of water from a nearby water fountain and then spits it out) Â Play some basketball?

Cut to them sitting in a grassy area, Mark seems a little dejected; he doesn’t want to say goodbye.

PENNY: So, we’re going to this guy’s big mountain ranch in, uh, I don’t know, Big Sur, or something like that. . .

MARK: All right, look. Â You’ll probably meet a nice man, you’ll have plenty of money, and houses and boats and cars — he’ll buy you everything you need want, and you’ll probably live happily ever after.

PENNY: That’s the way it’s supposed to be, isn’t it?

MARK: Yeah (sigh) That’s the way it’s supposed to be. . .

Cut to the girls and Maddie in the back of the car again driving to see the Blanchards.

Now, in place of the above scenes on the DVD, they’re replaced by a scene between PennyÂ and Mark, and his attempt to teach her how to seduce a man, since she’ll need those skills for husband-hunting. Â They’re in her bedroom; she’s half-naked under the covers, he sits on the side of the bed. Â Nothing is rushed.

PENNY: Well, how would you feel? Â Maddie has kept us as far removed from men as possible. And suddenly. . .

MARK:Â All of a sudden: me.

PENNY:Â I hadn’t meant that personally.

MARK:Â Maybe we’re going about this all wrong. Â If you think this is a first for you. . . I mean. . . before you can make love to someone, you need to seduce them. And, um, you don’t know the first thing about seducing somebody.

PENNY:Â Oh! Seduction is very big around here. Â It’s just one man after another.

MARK:Â Let’s make it a game.

PENNY:Â What do I win? Â How about a vacuum cleaner? Â Or a cruise to Tijuana?

MARK:Â Look, first of all, let’sÂ figureÂ that we’re really at a party, and, uh, you picked me up downstairs. Â (She giggles) And you got me to meet you up here.

PENNY:Â Were you easy? Â (Giggles)

MARK:Â I’m not supposed to be; but for you. . . I was a push over. Â One smile. . .

PENNY:Â OK. . .

MARK:Â (indicating her beingÂ moreÂ undressed than he is) Â You seem to have a head start. Why don’t you help me catch up. Â You can’t seduce me Penny unless you get to me.

PENNY:Â Am I doing it right?

MARK:Â It might be a little more fun if you’ve investigated. . .

At which pointÂ he has Clair undress him, making sure to have her spend time playing with his chest hair and his nipples. Â He returns the favor, spending quite some time on her breasts before having her remove his pants. Â This is a pretty languid scene with lots of kissing. Â He works his way down her body, spending more time on her nipples (like little erasers they are!) and spends some time orally pleasing her. Â (It should be noted the print this transfer came from is pretty badly damaged with surface noise, but it does not affect the hotness of the scene.)

Finally they get down to the fucking, and he mounts her in missionary, and there’s still a lot of kissing going on, and then he ever so easily sits her up and do a little sitting cowgirl before he lies down for the full ride-on. Â He flips her back around onto her side and he goes at it side-saddle for a few strokes before finishing with the doggie. Â The sex cuts around at this point, some cocksucking, some fucking, she’s on top, he’s on top and it finally ends with the patented John Leslie “pull out with the no-hands cumshot” even tho Penny lends a helping hand a little which he then guides her hand, to finish her lesson.

Now, we’re back to the scene where the girls and Maddie are heading to see the Blanchards. Â TheÂ goalÂ is toÂ try to seduce his son (Jason Blanchard, but he prefers Jace) Â in the hopes of landing him and ensuring their continued financial stability. Â Annette is dressed like a farmer’sÂ daughterÂ in a gingham top that can barely contain her breasts (lots of underboob!) and cut-offs.

The rancher (Ralph Jenkins) is admonishing his son (Ray Wells) to treat the girls right lest he be sent off to agricultural college in the city. Â When Annette steps out of the car, there are harps and rainbows surround the boy. Â No sooner do they walk around back that they’re tearing at each other, and they end up in the stables. Â He flatters her figure, saying “You’re build like a heifer in heat!” which makes her giggle. Â HeÂ strugglesÂ to get her top off, and as soon as he does, he’s all over her tits. Â She has an equally hard time trying to get his cock out of his pants, but finally works the button fly free so she can start sucking, while there’s fiddle andÂ banjoÂ playing on the soundtrack, and horses look on curiously. Â Doesn’t take long for Jace to mount her doggie style (horsey style?) forcing her into the hay which causes her hay fever to flare up and she starts sneezing after while which must get him going because he starts getting ready to cum and saying things like “I’m going to put my number on you!” and then finally exclaiming “This is it! The big round-up! Â Yippee!”

This is a pretty funny scene. Â Not a lot going on sexually (brief cocksucking, one position) but what is there is spirited, and we get to spend most of our time looking at Annette’s fine fine ass. Â (Tho, all I could think about was how much that hay probably poked at her belly.)

As they cuddle post-coitus, he lays out their great life. . . her getting up at 5 to milk the cows, having a bunch of kids, every Sunday having the whole family over for fried chicken that they’ll cook themselves. . . “we’ll slaughter them ourselves! It’s easy! I’ll teach ya! Â You just grab em by the neck. . .”” and Annette screams and runs away, thus ending their hopes with the cattlemen.

Next up, they attend a high-class party — on the steps Georgina lays it out “Girls, don’t forget. Â We’re here to get a proposal or pregnant or ELSE.”

As they approach, our eyepatch clad host, Harrison (Frank Hollowell), is told:

“Harrison, it looks like your final guests are coming. . .”

“Baroness, before the night is over, ALL my guests will be cumming.”

The Baroness (Joan Devlon) and Maddie have their claws out upon introductions:

Harrison: Maddie used to be quite a game player —

Baroness: Before my time, I’m sure.

Maddie: Oh Baroness, I’m sure nothing was before your time. . .

Maddie introduces the girls to Charles Dancer the Third (Turk Lyon), and they blush and run off to the powder room. Â Maddie explains that there are some games to be played, and they should just follow the instructions on the cards they’ll be given.

“Darling, there’s no more sincere compliment in the world than a hard-on . . . Â I know he’s insufferable, but he’s rich Rich RICH! The rich only get richer, and its the obligation of the poor to do something about it! Â You have no ideaÂ aboutÂ poverty. Poor people have a very unattractive odor and bad teeth. ”

There’s a little scene between Marty and Cissy, where they smoke a little pot, but nothing comes of it beyond Annette looking divine.

There’s some small talk around the dinner table which culminates in discussion of The Game, and its goal: “Knowing and showing that he or she is the most versatile sexual athlete in this gathering of renowned superstars. . .” Â There are two games, and you have to win both. . . Maddie bets Harrison she can predict the winner, if so, he’ll pay her $5,000, if not, she has to have a candlelight dinner with an old friend. . .

The first card we see reads: “You are a ravishing lesbian. Â Ravish and enjoy.

So the Barroness and the Fashion Model (Bonnie Holiday)Â go at it. Â (“I’ve never made it with royalty before!” / “I’ve never been with a fashion model before!”) and we cut back to Harrison and Maddie watching the action on a closed-circuit TV.

The scene cuts back and forth from the room to the TV and back. Â Bonnie eats out Joan, as Joan grips the headboard in delight. Â It’s a pretty short scene, only about two minutes. Â The model hands another card to the Baroness who reads it: “Your next encounter awaits behind the door. Â YOUR turn to be ravished!” Â Enter the black butler who pulls out his flaccid cock and as she sees it, she yells “Oh god, no way! Â Dammit, Harrison! Â You motherfucker!”

Cut to Maddie watching the Baroness on TV, saying to Â Harrison “All class, that one.”

“You know Maddie, if I hadn’t rigged this game, I would have thought you had. . .” and he presses another button on the cable box (standing in for a remote) and we see another card:

“You have strong sadistic tendencies. Â Within this room, someone will provide you pleasure in this area.”

We enter the room and see Cissy chained naked but for a garter belt against a stone wall in a room feeling queasy after the dinner. Â (Goddamn does she look great.) The General (Chesley Noone)Â is desperate to use some clamps on her, but she just wants Alka-Seltzer. Â She cockblocks the General at every turn, she’s not having any of it; she just gives him mouth, and he almost breaks down and cries. . .. so she just masturbates and has the quickest orgasm on record. . . knocking The General out of the game. Â An entertaining scene, if only for Annette’s insolence and disinterest.

Next room hasÂ Jon MartinÂ as a shy fella who walks in onÂ Abigail ClaytonÂ andÂ Stacy EvansÂ dressed in old-timey undergarments, and Abby is pushing a cloth up inside herself and has him pull it out with his mouth as Stacy undresses him and he moves on to full blownÂ cunnilingus and then Stacy moves on to fellatio. Â Stacy throws him onto the bed, wriggles out of her panties and climbs next to him as Abby pulls her stockings off and gets in bed with them. Â She starts kissing down his legs and sucking on his toes as Stacy pays attention to his nipples and then they meet at his soft cock, which has the cloth wrapped around it. Â They suck him off to get him hard, then Abby climbs on as he eats out Stacy. Â He flips Abby over and starts fucking her as Stacy licks her tits. Â Finally he takes Stacy doggie style as she sucks on her thumb and briefly thereafter launches a slo-mo Peter North-esque blast across her back.

Then Dominique (Sabrina)Â comes in and puts her high heel right into Jon’s cock, and he wants to go home, so he loses the game. . .

Next, Harrison hits a button and we see Charles and Penelope on a water bed, and after some horrible pillow talk, and as he starts sucking her tit, she asks him to “be careful of the lump. . . even tho I’m sure its not cancerous” which isn’t as much of as turn off as you might thin; but she continues to make up ailments until he finally stops. Â (“It’s down! Â It hasn’t been down since I was eight!“) Enter Cissy and she gets him hard again (“My God! Â It came back to life!“) and we cut immediately to her sucking him off and him covering her in kisses ended up with him eating her out. Â She rides him reverse cowgirl and on the last stroke lifts herself off him and jerks him off onto her belly. Â It’s an amazingly hot end to a short-ish scene. Â “I may have blown the game with your sister, but at least this was really hot!. . . wasn’t it?” Â Cissy says it wasn’t and she runs out.

Maddie tells Harrison she’s expecting payment when Harrison says he has one more trick up his sleeve, and he sends Dominique to “cut [Cissy] down to size” Â  “Oh, fuck this!” says Cissy as she runs out. Â Maddie is all pleased with herself for winning the game and Harrison hands over a check.

Maddie and Cissy are in the car and Marty tells them that Penny left some time ago in a taxi. Â She goes to meet Mark at the waterfront and tells him that she’s not like Cissy and can’t be what Maddie wants her to be. Â She feels Mark is the only person she can talk to, and they kiss and pledge their love for each other. Â It’s a nice scene, well played between the two. . . and it foil’s Maddie’s plan, to boot.

So Maddie bring Cissy to a Yacht Party in a further attempt to land a rich suitor. Â As they approach the boat, Cissy catches a glimpse of the host’s son, Clark Dayton, Jr.Â (Paul Thomas) and she hears the harps and sees the rainbows and promptly falls into the bay. Â Clark, Jr. jumps in after her and he brings inside to wash off and dry clothes. As these things often do, they end up fucking in the shower, in an awesome scene that’s also all slow and soapy; and then, as she’s grabbing for his cock while his fingers are exploring her nether region. . . he hears the harps and sees the rainbows and they know they’re made for each other. Â However, there’s an AWESOME shot taken from the ceiling looking down on them entwined in the tub, with them each on their backs, and her straddling his cock. . . then as he’s eating her out, she starts asking him a bunch of questions about their future, and she’s forcing his head around, nodding or shaking depending on the question. . .

Maddie gets introduced to Clark, Sr. (Carl Irwin) and whole plying her charms, she finds out that Junior has been disinherited years ago because he’s a drunk with no ambition. . . so she’s left high and dry again. . . but maybe Clark Sr. is showing some interest in her?

So ends a delightful movie. Â It’s a take on “How To Marry a Millionaire” and the movies like it where marrying a rich guy is all a girl could want. Â The sex scenes support the story, not the other way around as it usually is.

This is one of those movies everyone should see, to see how movies were made back then, how hot they can be even in modern times, and how porn has yet to see a beauty as natural as Annette Haven.

Tonight on Playboy Radio: 800 Fantasy Lane (1979)

Tonight on Playboy Radio (7:40 Eastern, 4:40 Pacific), we’re talking about the 1979 movie, 800 Fantasy Lane, the first film from director Svetlana.

The movie feels like a bunch of different mainstream 80s “teenage tit movies” where a couple of normal guys pull off some sort of scam in order to see naked girls… and in this case, fuck them.

In our case, our heroes,Â Jamie GillisÂ andÂ Bud Wise, are gas station attendants who read in the paper that there’s a real estate agency in Los Angeles who is hiring actresses as brokers and they are will to do anything — ANYTHING! — to close the deal. Â So Jamie calls the number, posing as an oil magnate from Ohio (where all the American oil reserves are, of course!) who wants to buy a house. Â They fly Bud and him out to the coast and take them around to see some properties.

But first, they go to the lodge where prospective clients are staying, and here, Jamie and Bud stumble upon two of the agents getting it on…

Scene 1 betweenÂ SerenaÂ andÂ Desiree CousteauÂ was notable for having some fisting in it — Desiree fists Serena — but that’s been cut in modern versions of the movie.. however, the g/g scene that remains is still pretty good, and is often interrupted by cutaways to Jamie and Bud over-reacting and mugging at their good fortune.

Lisa De LeeuwÂ is a real estate agent who wants to ger her hooks into the new meat, so she sidles up to Jamie and blows him. Â Scene 2 ends in a pretty modern way with Jamie cumming all over Lisa’s tits and chin and then scooping up all the semen he can and feeding it to her.

Not to be outdone, Â Nancy SuiterÂ andÂ Aubrey NicholsÂ take Jamie and Bud out to look at some properties. Â However, Jamie has an idea and throws Bud out of the car, so he can have the two gals to himself.

So begins Scene 3, where Jamie is blown by Nancy and Aubrey. Â The scene is marred a bit by constant cutaways to Jamie’s “I’m getting blown!” face, even tho I think most of us would rather see the girls actually blow him. Â He’s finally interrupted as Bud who finally makes it to the house with information designed solely to cockblock Jamie’s tryst with Nancy and Aubrey. Â Selling the oilÂ magnateÂ story a little heavily and mentioning something about the SEC, Bud pulls Jamie aside and then locks him in a room, allowing him to come back to finish the scene with the twoÂ lovelies, eventually cumming on Nancy’s tits and then fucking Aubrey while Nancy sits on his face and the two girls make out.

Then it starts to get weird… what was a nice little sex comedy takes a turn for the darker in Scene 4 when Jamie goes downstairs in the lodge to find a full S&M dungeon, with Serena andÂ Hillary SummersÂ tied together by the ankles in matching Â in love swings whileÂ Chris AndersonÂ acts as the dominatrix. Â There’s quite a bit of screaming and the sound of a lot of slapping, tho we don’t really see the source of the slaps. Â  This scene’s more S&M-y elements are Â another casualty of the editor’s delete key for the DVD release.

Jamie jumps into the action, eating Serena out and then holding a lighter to it… there’s a level of trust here that can only come from performers who are totally in tune with one another, and Jamie and Serena certainly were. Â After making out with Serena a bit, Jamie throws himself between the two girls and alternates eating them out. Â After a while Chris straps on a dildo and animalistically fucks Serena while she shrieks in what doesn’t really pass as ecstasy. Â Jamie then whips his out, flips Hillary over in the swing and then Â  fucks her silly, eventually cumming on her and dumping her on the floor. Â Then he turns his attention to Serena and fucks her, using the strap around her throat (or was it her throat?) as leverage. Â None of this reads asÂ particularlyÂ fun, but it is certainly a textbook example of domination and submission.

After his time with the swings, he finds his way over to Desiree Cousteau who is just lying down. Â He eats and then fucks her while Chris fondles Desiree’s breasts. Â He steps aside to let Chris take a turn with her strap on while Desiree blows him. Â Finally, he goes back over to a still-crumpled-on-the-floor Hillary and cums on her from above, concluding her degradation. Â (There is an odd cut here, so I suspect some other material hit the recycle bin as this was being re-mastered for DVD. Â I have a VHS of this around somewhere, I think… but no time to do a proper comparison…)

Wow. Â Heavy stuff. Â Not for everyone, I suspect.

Bud comes back with the girls from the house showing just as Jamie emerges from the cellar. Â They head out to the pool where Bud starts making out with Lisa’s tits and Jamie overhears a discussion between Allen Colberg and Chris Anderson where he says he wants to give her 500K of “undeclared income” for a deposit on the same house that Jamie and Bud are looking at. Â He doesn’t want to lose the house to them, especially since no one really knows what oil interests they have. All the while, he’s got his tits in her hand as she’s bouncing up and down on his clothed lap. Â Did I mention they’re both wearing Mickey Mouse ears and he’s whooping “Ride ’em Cowboy!” and like someone riding cowboy? Â That little bit of non-sex hanky panky was Scene 5.

The next afternoon, a Friday, the boys are at the real estate office about to sign on the line that is dotted when Bud starts to panic, telling Jamie that they’re sure to be found out after the agents run a credit check. Â Jamie says thru gritted teeth “Listen asshole, I know what I’m doing. Â It’s 5:00 on the east coast, and they won’t find outÂ anythingÂ until Monday.” Â He then hands Chris the signed paper work and slips her the tongue before he leaves… Allen calls in and offers to make some calls about Jamie and Bud since they put in an offer and he has to get on his way on Saturday, so he’d like to know if the lost the house or not.

Bud goes to play tennis with Lisa DeLeeuw and two other girls (Debi GunterÂ andÂ Wendy O. WilliamsÂ (of the Plasmatics, with long flowing brown hair and zero tennis skills)Â Â which gives us a lot of opportunities to see bouncing breasts in slow motion. Â Lisa and Debi have particularly great racks. Â Wendy shows her bush, and all three girls moon Bud. Â At the end of the match Lisa lactates on Bud (in what I assume is a special effect, as we don’t see the nipple).

Jamie, meanwhile, is enjoying himself in a hot tub with just about everyone else in the movie. Â (Scene 7) Meanwhile, Bud bangs Desiree and Scene 8 ends with Desiree blowing Bud until he shoots a sizable load all over her face.

Then the movie takes another stylistic left turn as everyone plays pool ad smokes pot, but Jamie starts hallucinating… for this, I’ll quote three reviews:

Roger Pipe of rogreviews.com says:

Here is where a straight forward script takes a turn that makes no fucking sense. Everyone is playing pool and smoking a little pot. The guys end up having these fucked up hallucinations that include an eight foot penis raining milk down on naked chicks and Gillis playing lion tamer in a sexual circus. He is in a cage with Serena, Lisa and Aubrey Nichols who all have on body make up to represent a pony, leopard and tiger respectively. Interesting role play I suppose and some decent sex, but the out of left field motivation for this scene (Like the dungeon bang) just makes no sense. Lisa looks good, but Aubrey manages to steal most of the sexual thunder in this odd, final scene.

Astronight over at Adult DVD Talk says:

The group frees the weed while playing pool during the next scene. This scene may not be one of the sexiest in the movie, but itâ€™s definitely one of the most memorable and needs to be seen. This sequence alone is worth the rental price of the DVD. The camera work really helps out this scene. It has kind of a dizzy feel that adds to the dreamlike nature of much of the scene. Jamie has a dream in the scene where heâ€™s in a cage as a lion tamer complete with whip with Serena, Lisa DeLeeuw, and another girl done up as a lion, cheetah, and a horse. Jamie makes his way through each of the women, taming them as he goes. Itâ€™s very sexy and shows a creativity thatâ€™s rarely seen in todayâ€™s porn.

Mongo over at RAME says:

Chris Anderson, Aubrey Nichols, Serena and Bud Wise: After smoking some weed, Jamie and Bud hallucinate. This must be really special stuff, as the boys have some pretty vivid visions. Bud imagines himself with a crude six foot long papier-mÃ¢chÃ© dick, ejaculating a fountain of skim milk while Chris, Aubrey and Serena dance around his maypole, bathing in his manly flow. A non-sex scene, but still hot, in a strange kind of way.

Jamie imagines himself an animal tamer in a circus, taming a tiger (Aubrey), a leopard (Chris) and a pony? (Serena). Jamie “tames” each of the girls in turn, and instead of the old stick your head in the lion’s mouth trick, he does the dick in the tiger’s mouth trick. Pretty cheap makeup on the girls, as it rubs off all over Jamie as the scene progresses. Still, they’re definitely trying. It’s a lot more interesting than anything you’ll see in American porn today. Jamie ends the scene by cumming on Serena’s face.

Finally, the plot wraps up with Jamie stealing the half a million from Allen (who can’t report it to the police since it’s “undeclared income”) and absconding with the girls too. Â All’s well that ends well.

Other things we mentioned on the show:

Additional Web Resources:

AVN Awards 2012: The Winners

Congratulations to all the winners of the 2012 AVN Awards, held last night at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas.

In alphabetical order by category, the winners are:

Best 3D Release

Best Actor

Best Actress

Best All-Girl Group Scene

Best All-Girl Release

Best All-Sex Release

Best All-Sex Release: Mixed Format

Best Amateur Release

Best Anal Release

Best Anal Sex Scene

Best Art Direction

Best Big Bust Release

Best Big Butt Release

Best Boy/Girl Sex Scene

Best Celebrity Sex Tape

Best Cinematography

Best Comedy

Best Director: Foreign Feature

Best Director: Non-Feature

Best Director: Parody

Best Double Penetration Sex Scene

Best DVD Extras

Best Editing

Best Educational Release

Best Ethnic Release: Asian

Best Ethnic Release: Black

Best Ethnic Release: Latin

Best Feature

Best Fem-Dom Strap-On Release

Best Foot/Leg Fetish Release

Best Foreign All-Sex Release

Best Foreign Feature

Best Girl/Girl Sex Scene

Best Gonzo Release

Best Group Sex Scene

Best Internal Release

Best Interracial Release

Best Makeup

Best Male Newcomer

Best MILF Release

Best Music Soundtrack

Best New Starlet

Best Non-Sex Performance

Best Older Woman/Younger Girl Release

Best Oral Release

Best Oral Sex Scene

Best Orgy/Gangbang Release

Best Original Song

Best Overall Marketing Campaign: Individual Project

Best Packaging

Best Parody: Comedy

Best Parody: Drama

Best POV Release

Best POV Sex Scene

Best Pro-Am Release

Best Screenplay

Best Screenplay: Parody

Best Sex Scene in a Foreign-Shot Production

Best Solo Release

Best Solo Sex Scene

Best Special Effects

Best Specialty Release: Other Genre

Best Squirting Release

Best Supporting Actor

Best Supporting Actress

Best Tease Performance

Best Three-Way Sex Scene: G/B/B

Best Three-Way Sex Scene: G/G/B

Best Transsexual Release

Best Vignette Release

Best Young Girl Release

Clever Title of the Year

Crossover Star of the Year

Director of the Year (Body of Work)

Female Foreign Performer of the Year

Female Performer of the Year

Male Foreign Performer of the Year

Male Performer of the Year

MILF/Cougar Performer of the Year

Most Outrageous Sex Scene

Transsexual Performer of the Year

Unsung Male Performer of the Year

Unsung Starlet of the Year

AEE, SOPA and You

A bunch of us editors get together in January to walk around the Adult Entertainment Expo, and this year is no different.

As in year’s past, we’re taking the corrections queue off line until we get back, so we’re not inundated when we get back, and to allow the editors who can’t join us to take a little break and do a little catch up.

Today is also the Internet Blackout to Protest SOPA/PIPA. Â We’re big supporters of this protest, but sadly, not as big as we’d like. Â We’ve blacked out the blog for the day, but, like Facebook and Twitter, we can’t take the main site off-line, but we have added a badge to the site to show our solidarity.

If you’re at AEE and see us walking around in our shirts (the only way to recognize us), please stop us and say hello. Â Also, I’ll be on Playboy Radio, Thursday at 12:40ish (not sure what booth they’re going to be set up in yet) with Christy Canyon and Ginger Lynn playing “Legends of Porn Trivia” (submit your questions on twitter: @iafdcom

Tonight on Playboy Radio: Deep Inside Vanessa Del Rio (1986)

Tonight around 7:45 pm Eastern Time (4:45 pm Pacific) on Playboy Radio’s Night Calls with Debi Diamond and Nicki HunterÂ (Nicki was out), we talkedÂ some more about The Dark Brothers and Greg‘s 1986 movie, Deep Inside Vanessa Del Rio.

We started off talking about awards season and how we’ve been entering a bunch of awards data behind the scenes and we’re getting ready to unleash the data onto the world. Â It’ll happen sometime in February, I reckon… but that data is what currently feeds the awards blog postings, so you’re getting the fruits of our labors a little bit anyway.

Then we spoke about the movie. Â The movie is a pretty funny send-up of biography documentaries, and the invented backstory of Vanessa’s life is pretty funny courtesy of a script by Antonio Passolini (writing as Johnny Jump-Up). Â In a nutshell, Vanessa was born to a black mother (in case you were worried about Dark’s racial sensitivity, she’s played by a man in blackface) in communist Russia. Â She escaped by fucking Marc Wallice and Lois Ayres and ended up in Paris, where she learned the ways of the crotch from Erica Boyer (who let her watch her get double teamed by Tom Byron and Marc Wallice — great scene; Erica ends up slick with sweat at the end of it). Â From there, Vanessa becomes a door-to-door dildo saleswoman, and she plies her wares to housewife Liz Randall, and they have a pretty great toy-laden lezfest. Â (It doesn’t hurt that Liz looks like a cute-as-a-button mid-80s Jenna Fischer.) Â Vanessa’s journey takes her to Paraguay, where she starts to work her way into adult films, having sex with underrated scrumpet Krista Lane and Francois Papillion, eventually culminating in a gangbang withÂ Marc Wallice,Â Peter North,Â Steve Powers,Â Tom ByronÂ andÂ Troy Tannier.

The whole movie is infused with a goofy, bad taste take on things; so if that sounds like it’s for you — you should check this out as its available from all of the leading VOD retailers, as well as on DVD.

But perhaps the Â greatest thing about the movie is its theme song (also by Johnny Jump-Up). Â There’s a crummy dub of it over on YouTube, but it’s the best we got right now. . .

(Can we start a letter writing campaign to VCA — or whomever owns VCA now — to release the theme songs to the mid-80s Dark Brothers movies on iTunes?)

Previously:Â New Wave Hookers,Â Devil in Miss Jones 3


This Pop Star Turned Her Orgasm Into a Song

When musician Von reflected on her close relationship with her vibrator, she decided to immortalize it by creating music using her orgasm's unique vibration patterns.

by Suzannah Weiss
Aug 17 2018, 2:59pm

Photo courtesy of Von.

Growing up in a small Pennsylvania town with a conservative family, musician Von would get looks for wearing short shorts and dramatic hairstyles. “I was like eight years old when that was pinned on me,” she remembers. “Before I had any control or understanding of what sexuality even meant, I was hyper-sexualized as a kid.”

As she got older and lived in more sexually permissive cities like New York and Berlin, Von used her music, which she dubs “sex-positive synth pop,” to reclaim her sexuality and express it in ways that couldn’t be objectified. She also became fascinated with vibrators.

The idea of merging her love of vibrators and music came to Von, who prefers not to disclose her full name, during a conversation with a friend. “I was like, ‘I think me and vibrators have a lot in common. We prioritize efficiency and productivity,’” the 21-year-old remembers. “I’m like, ‘I’m gonna make music out of vibrators one day.’” To this end, Von called sex toy companies and asked for their software codes, with the aim of creating sounds inspired by their vibration patterns. But none of them wanted to give away their trade secrets. Then, Von read about Lioness.

The Lioness is a smart vibrator that measures users’ vaginal contractions and displays their orgasms on charts via an app. These data are presented as waves that represent the force of vaginal movements at various points in time. From her windowless, WIFI-less Manhattan basement apartment, Von dragged the Lioness waves into the wavetable operator Serum and treated them like sound waves, manipulating them to craft music. Orgasm contraction data was directly mapped onto instrument sounds, with the amplitude of the sound wave reflecting the strength of contractions, and the wavelength of the sound wave reflecting the rhythm of the contractions.

Watch: The History of the Vibrator

One of the songs she created using this method was “Action,” the ode to masturbation that she’s now releasing as her debut single. Currently entering her last year at New York University's Clive Davis Institute of Record Music, Von's work is reminiscent of Grimes, Peaches, and Charli XCX, a comparison she welcomes.

And that bass sound you hear on "Action"? It's Von's orgasm. With lyrics like “don’t need you to make it happen / one-woman show with the action” set to flirty, fast-paced vocals and a percussion-heavy backdrop, "Action" is about having “a very intimate sexual relationship with yourself and not needing another person to fulfill those needs,” Von says. “So it was a nice experiment of using a vibrator and my own orgasm patterns—I didn't need anyone else to make that happen for me."

Von's orgasm in editing software. Photo courtesy of Von.

In a culture where depictions of female orgasm often focus on the appeal of a woman’s face, voice, or body to an outside observer, “Action” represents what it feels like for the woman herself. Since you can’t even tell the sounds are based on an orgasm, Von hopes people can enjoy the products of her sexual openness whether or not they’re sexually open themselves.

“It sounds like in the song you have a buildup into a chorus—it’s a bass oscillation that’s kind of what my orgasm sounds like, because my orgasm pattern is very stagnant and then a lot of activity,” she says. “An orgasm is so intimate and singular to the person. That specific wave had not existed until I literally created it with my own body.” Her next goal? To convert the force and time of her orgasm waves into frames per second, and turn that into a music video so that the speed at which images flash on the screen matches the rhythm of the orgasm.

Masturbation, Von believes, can help women understand their sexual capacity so that they’ll expect the same pleasure from a partner. “Knowing that you are enough to give that to yourself, you don’t have to settle when you come into contact with sexual partners that don’t listen to your needs and provide them,” she says. “If I had prioritized knowing my own body in the way that I do now, I would’ve avoided so many toxic and lacking sexual partners.”

Von hopes her music will help women view masturbation as a way to promote physical health, mental health, and healthy relationships. Although she's encountered a backlash from family and friends in her Pennsylvania hometown, she believes that her music can help spread a valuable sex education message that's worth the hate.

“If you want your children to grow up empowered, self-assured, and self-sufficient members of society, then you should teach them or allow them to be taught the importance of knowing their bodies,” she says. “If more people start to learn that from a young age, it becomes less taboo.”

As a result, Von welcomes the discomfort people may have around her work. “If my family members have to talk about what I’m doing, they have to say the word ‘orgasm,’” she explains. “If what you take away from this is a feeling of intense discomfort, that’s a sign you have a lot more learning to do and a lot of room for growth, and that’s exciting.”

But Von’s orgasm-inspired music is also for her own benefit, she says. “It really feels almost therapeutic to watch something that, in certain aspects of my life, has been really shamed, like being so sexually open and sex-positive, and then to use that to make a product I’m proud of.”

sex education
Broadly Sex
Broadly Culture


MADISON, Wis.—


tagTransgender & CrossdressersAll Dressed Up and Ready To Go

All Dressed Up and Ready To Go

T'was the night before Christmas and... a very naughty mouse was stirring and she did not want a quiet house. When I go t home she left me a package to open. So I opened it to find this very thin, light black fabric which is see through. It is a dress of some sort. Wait here's a picture...... Oh my GOD!

The dress slips over my head and is held up by a single strap around my neck attached to a loop on each side at the shoulder. The loops hold the fabric open for the entire front of the dress. The fabric drapes down in abundance and curves just under the belly button. (Obviously creating a "play with me" area.) Half the models ample breasts are sensually visible from the side. The dress tightens a little snug around the upper thighs.

Oh what's this; I open the box within a box to find..... Breasts! What on earth.....you must be in one of your deliciously naughty moods. Oh wait.... ah yes the "fuck me" heels. What ensemble could possibly be complete without them?

Well that note is very specific.

It takes about 45 minutes until you surprise me by slipping out of the closet and up behind your new fully dressed slut.

You coo in my ear as your hand caresses my belly admiring my busty chest in the mirror. My baby likes them BIG that's for sure. "I'll be the man tonight and not waste any time you whisper......... have I got something for you baby," you say as you feel me up in my slinky dress.

We both know what is coming. The look of greed and lust in your eyes shortens my breath and actually scares me a little. You handle me in a way that takes all the personality out of what is about to happen. Ignoring me and concentrating on your little creation makes me feel like a piece of meat for your pleasure. You know I like it but it is also a bit scary. Now your hand slides into my panties and palms my already hard cock. You whisper obscenities in my ear.

I can feel you getting more and more anxious as your body grinds against me from behind. Your hand now fondles my breasts inside my little dress as you have been leading me to the kitchen. I know why too. Ahhh that big counter at just the right height has been magically transformed into a little cushion of blankets and a pillow. You walk me into it as the hard surface touches my thighs. You bend me over as you force my legs apart. The heels hike my ass in the air as I plop onto the counter. I turn my head to the side as you hold it down with one hand. Your other hand pulls my panties aside and a lubed finger is roughly shoved into me so hard I flinch and moan.

I tried not to flinch and moan because I know it turns you on and makes you more aggressive but it is useless. Your finger stays shoved inside me up to the knuckle as you grind it in a circle pulling up on my ass at the same time. It hurts in a nasty way, and you are determined to get as much out of me verbally from 1 finger shove as you can before you move on. As I calm down a bit you pull all the way out and whisper "that was nice". You stand towering over me and shove it in me again watching my reaction holding my face down. The initial reaction from a hard shove excites you incredibly and you do it over and over observing and delighting in my reaction. Then you start your finger fucking, loosening me with two then three, my whimpering is music to your ears.

I know you will slow down soon and tease me some more, I just have to hold on a little longer................................THRUST! Your whole strap on cock rips me open as the balls bang my ass. I scream in shock over and over as you mount me grabbing my hips with your free hand while you start furiously fucking me using the whole length of your 10" weapon. You can see my face is attempting to cry and whimper but the screams seem to have priority at the moment so I can't. You revel in the sensory overload going through my body. "There's plenty of time to cry later, for now just scream baby," you say sternly.

Your hands rake my body going from my cock to my exposed breasts. Your thrusts never let up as you grind into me. All the weight lifting and sit ups you have done for your thighs and lower body have made you amazingly powerful and given you a paralyzing hard thrust.

You delight in the power you wield with your cock. After a few thrusts you are ready for what is to come. That's why you chose the counter and this position... I instinctively struggle wildly to escape but you keep me pinned and pound me furiously hard and fast. This is the critical moment. If you can keep me down you can pound till I am too weak to resist and subdue me. If I can squirm out from under you and get away your fuck is over.

You grab at my wrists as I try to get up, you knee at my thighs as I try to close my legs to stand. It is a surprisingly fierce struggle all the while you bang hard into me. We are huffing and puffing amongst the screams and moans but you feel it.... ah right there....... I weaken and....

You lean over my back as you ride me feeling a huge sense of pride and accomplishment at your conquest. Now you move up on me a little more and enjoy long smooth thrusts.

Tears well up in my eyes, as we both grunt for different reasons. You don't let up for a good 30 minutes (Damn those aerobic classes). You have really worked your body in ways that give you a distinct advantage when you want to dominate someone with your strap on.

"Keep this outfit Baby, it makes me Horny," you whisper, "This will begin your collection".

As usual I love to hear your responses. For you ladies, what outfit would you put me in next and what scenario would you "take me" in? A sexy pic or detailed description is a must. Maybe I'll write a 2nd installment just for you.

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