Monday, June 10, 2013

I Miss It Already

By Lisabet Sarai

I have a confession to make, one that may shock many of you who know me and have read my books.

I haven't had sex in more than two months.

And here's another stunner. I don't mind nearly as much as I would have guessed, if you'd asked me when I was younger.

I'm in my sixties now. My husband is more than a decade older than I am. Although we both are fortunate to be in excellent health, our sexual capabilities have significantly declined due to age. I won't get into the gory details, but let me just say that these days sex is a lot more work and a good deal less fun than it used to be.

There are remedies of course, that might improve the situation, hormones and lubricants, new positions and new techniques. We've tried some of them, with mixed results. We're still very physical with one another. People snicker when they see us, two old geezers holding hands or kissing on the street. Penetrative sex, though, is a significant challenge, one that we seem to be confronting less and less often (and oral sex has never been a favorite for either of us, for various reasons).

When I was in my twenties, my thirties, even my forties, I would have been appalled by the notion of such a long interval of celibacy. Looking back to my youth, it seems as though sex stood at the center of my universe. Every experience was drenched in eroticism. Any seemingly innocent encounter was enough to start me spinning fantasies. Most of my sexual adventures took place before the advent of AIDS and after the perfection of the Pill, during that brief period when true sexual freedom was possible. If I can quote from one of my own characters (the nameless narrator in “Before the Plague”):

It's nearly inconceivable to you, I know, the notion of spontaneous sex. No vaccines, no tests, no questions asked. No barriers – at least no physical ones. You might enjoy yourself, you might not. That was the only risk.

I lived in that age. The golden age, it seems now. You could revel in your own body, in someone else's body. Anyone you fancied. Maybe a stranger. Maybe your best friend's husband – or even your best friend herself! If desire called, you answered, as long as that was what felt right.

Every day was ripe with erotic possibilities. We moved through our world (well, perhaps I should speak only for myself) in a continual state of borderline arousal, ready to recognize and enjoy the next sensual adventure.

I wrote that story more than ten years ago. Even then, I was nostalgic, I guess, for what I felt myself losing.

The funny thing is, I've always lived more in my mind than in my body, even during those wild days when I was juggling three lovers plus being regularly propositioned by strangers. (I must have been sending out powerful signals. Definitely makes me believe in pheromones!) Eroticism, then as well as now, lived in the situation, in the relationship, in the sharing of fantasies, in the breaking down of barriers and the pushing of limits, far more than in the physical acts. I spent as much time writing about sex in my journal as I did in bed (or elsewhere) with my partners. The thrill of lust has always been at least as intoxicating to me as the activities it engenders.

And to be honest, I miss that thrill more than the actual fucking. Although I'm moderately well-preserved for my age, these days it's difficult to conceive of myself as an object of desire. I still have frequent sexual dreams. In those nocturnal sagas I'm usually young and nubile – probably between twenty five and thirty five, when I was at my peak. The other night, though, I dreamed that someone wanted to have sex with me, and I couldn't remember where I'd stashed the KY Jelly. Too often when I begin to spin a kinky fantasy for myself, recollections of reality intervene.

My DH apparently perceives me as sexy, despite my wrinkles, my sagging flesh and my joint problems. I'm grateful but sometimes I wonder whether he's blind. I still believe that imagination is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Imagining the erotic, however, is becoming increasingly difficult.

Of course I worry about how this will affect my writing. I yearn for the excitement, the freshness, that poured out of me in Raw Silk, a book that celebrates lust in all its guises. I suppose that it's natural to become a bit jaded, after fourteen years of penning erotic fiction. I console myself with the certainty that my skill has grown even though my passion has ebbed. Apparently I can still create sexual scenarios with enough light and heat to please my readers. However, I find that it's increasingly difficult to arouse myself.

I've always been of the opinion that sex is important – that carnal connections can provide not just pleasure but also wisdom and self-knowledge. I haven't changed my mind. That's one motivation for writing my stories. More and more, though, those tales are based on recollection rather than direct experience. I cling to my memories of how it felt to be overwhelmed by desire, as those feelings recede into the increasingly distant past.

If I were to be suddenly infected by the insistent, incandescent lust of my youth, I'd probably be alarmed. But I do miss it.

  1. thank you for your candour, Lisabet. i've always believed relationships are fluid. there are times when sex with one's partner isn't always happening, for many reasons. intimacy can occur in many ways though & it sounds like you & your partner maintain intimacy. as to penetrative sex, if you miss that particular aspect of sex, what about both of you playing with dildos together or you doing so while he watches? there are lots of possibilities. if that's something you want. & of course, if you were into opening up your marriage, there are more possibilities too. golden age may not be here anymore, but cautious & educated play is possible.

    1. Hi, Amanda,

      Been there, done that (the open marriage stuff). It's hard to imagine anyone else wanting us in our present state of decay anyway!

      The thing is, I'm not sure either of us has the erotic energy to experiment any more... it's just not as important. But at the same time, I find that fact distressing.

  2. Wow, what a powerful post.

    I've long said that penetrative sex is one of the least intimate things I do. Holding hands, cuddling, and kissing are all far more intimate. I hope to keep these constant in my life even when aging robs me of the ability or desire for more (at at 45, I can already note the differences from when I was 20. Projecting ahead is not kind).

    At the same time, I've seen several erotica authors draw power from their writing specifically because they were de facto celibate as they wrote. I kind of hope that's my own future.

    As for the wrinkles and joints and all--heh. I suspect (and given some of my history, I'm pretty confident) I'd be with your husband on this--still seriously in lust with the person even if the flesh was not as willing. Sexy is energy and attitude, not bodies.

    Thanks for the post.

    1. "Sex is energy and attitude, not bodies"

      I certainly agree. And one of the reasons I write so much BDSM, with such a powerful emotional charge, is that my actual BDSM experiences were cut short by my marriage (not that I regret this - I mean, I wish my DH were more interested in D/s but you can't change people, and he's a wonderful partner in other ways).

  3. I love this post, Lisabet.

    It's funny, because I read your "two months" and I was like... only TWO? I realized the other week that maybe the reason I've been so goddamn irritable was that I hadn't had sex in THREE. (all that stuff with Sweet being away, and then we were not in a good place and she WILL NOT DO angry sex for some off reason)

    Anyway, we're back on track, but I was amazed how strongly I related to this post even though I'm only in my thirties. I often think back to being 19 and failing my first-year psychology exam (it was all neuroscience) because all I could think about was sex sex sex. All. The. Time. I would easily stay in a rotten relationship because it was my source of sex. I feel like a totally different person now. I write sex for a living, but it's not a big thing anymore.

    I guess the part that surprises me most is that I can go without sex and not even notice.

    1. Exactly, Giselle. Days go by when I don't think about sex. This is such a contrast with the time when sex/love was the center of my life (I was never very clear about the distinction, even with one-night stands.)

  4. Well, darlin', you're not a Lone Ranger by any means. Not that that's any consolation. A late friend of mine, who was nearing 70 at the time, would lament, albeit with a chuckle, that attempting sex was "like trying to push a marshmallow into a piggy bank." But he savored his memories. I guess imagination will sustain us too. And, for the record, Viagra is not the wonder drug it's made out to be. So there.

    1. What a great image! It's not quite THAT bad...

      And yeah, Viagra's not really for us.

      Thanks for dropping by!

  5. Great post, Lisabet. Been thinking along these lines for a few months now. For years it was twice a week now it's more like twice a month. But Momma and I have been fairly lucky, both of us now in our late 60's and still motivated. Before her recent setback...(some of you know she had an operation recently) we 'd get it on every ten days or so. We do cuddle every night on the sofa, watching TV, still touching, smooching, like some vanilla romance.

    What Gisselle says about not noticing after awhile is all about sex becoming more and more NOT a part of one's life. Sometimes it takes purposeful initiative to get the fires stoked again

    And BB is right; Viagra sucks. Just see blue for a day, and the erection doesn't last (for me) anyway.

    We can't wait for Momma to get better so we can get our freak back.

    1. Writing erotica, one feels schizophrenic. The erotic is so much a part of my life on the page - and such a small part, these days, of my so-called real life.

  6. after my health crisis my libido was gone for 3 months, but it came back stronger than ever. & my mother at 80 still has a very strong libido too, as does my sister at 60. so i'm hoping it will continue to be the case for me. when i was too weak to do much moving around, my husband & i just masturbated together while watching porn. we've always found ways to be intimate & to give one another pleasure. the main thing i think is honest communication so that no party feels unloved or rejected. when i was in hospital all we could do was touch each other's hands. that was exactly what i needed.

    1. I envy you, Amanda.

      I've come to think that maybe my libido was never as powerful as my imagination...

  7. hi Lisabet!

    Wow. That's something you don;t hear everyday - two months? It's not that its rare, I think its more common than people imagine. It's just so bluntly honest to hear it. well, me too. And as you say it s the arousal part that's the hard thing to crank up. Hormones. "At your age the heyday in the blood is tame" as Hamlet says.

    But that's why friendship is so important. Lust fades, but friendship remains.

    1. Hi, Garce,

      I know there are couples who go years without having sex. But they have other problems, I think. I know my husband is distressed both by his lower level of libido and his reduced ability to act on the urges he does have. It hurts me to see this. All I can do is reassure him that I love him.

      Meanwhile, it also literally hurts me to have sex. And that bothers him a lot, too.


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I was a gym rat. It was my only hobby. I was in Law School and I did ok. I spent my evenings at the gym and my weekends at the pub getting wasted. Just your average kiwi bloke really.

I moved in with Art because the accommodation was close to Uni and super cheap. He was a friend of a friend and I only knew one thing about him- he was gay. That didn’t bother me because I’m not a cunt. Nothing about him bothered me actually because despite all my time in the gym, the dude was like twice the size of me. I didn’t have a word to say against him because I figured he could break me in half.

He was like, almost 2 metres high, and I’m on the shorter side at the best of times, a good 170cm on my best day. He was Maori and looked like a rugby player, all broad muscle. I definitely have more of a swimmers build- although I have a good set of abs on me, and apparently a nice ass.

I’m also kind of girly looking in the face. Soft pink lips and all that. Not helped by my curly blonde hair. I roll with it, a lot of women like the blonde Ken doll look. A lot of men also, it turns out.

Art and I were friends, but I was a student and he had a job, and really we only saw each other occasionally. We did have friends in common and would occasionally go to gigs together. It was before one of those gigs where my entire life got totally fucked.

We were running late, and he was annoyed at me for taking too long so he barged into my room without knocking. It was my fault that I was trying to have a quick wank before we left, so I was naked and erect when he slammed my door open.

“Oh dude Jesus!” I leapt up and turned around to hide my dick as Art rudely entered.

“Sorry dude.” He said. “Oh shit.”

“What?” I grunted, annoyed that he was still standing there, looking at me. He closed the door behind him and locked it. What the fuck? “Art?”

“Shhh.” I tried to pull on my shorts but Art caught my hands. “You have such… Jesus that’s a nice ass.” He said. I tried to whirl round to hit him but he was stronger than me and pinned my hands to my side. “Just let me look.” It wasn’t a request and I grumbled under my breath. Eventually he had to touch.

He started placing his hands on me, grabbing me and shaking the fat around, watching me jiggle. I grunted in pain and humiliation, but he took that totally the wrong way.

“That’s it baby.” He whispered. He parted my cheeks and moaned.

“Yes.” He breathed heavily.

“Art! No! You fucking dickwad!” Only he just didn’t give a shit. He pushed a finger in me experimentally. “Fuck!” He took that the wrong way too.

“You like that?”

“No I…”

“Don’t wanna hear it. Your ass was made for this.”

Shit. I tried to fight him but I made things a hell of a lot worse for myself. He wrestled me to the ground, my legs splayed as I knelt in front of him. He pinned me down with one arm and teased my tight hole with the other.

“This is gonna feel so good.” He said. He was possessed. He couldn’t be reasoned with. He slowly steered his big dick into my virgin hole and I grunted with the pain, shaking under him. He paused for a moment as both of us adjusted.

Maybe I could still fight this, I thought- but I already knew I was lost. He was so huge, so strong, so manly. You didn’t just get yourself pinned down by your flat mate if you aren’t a bitch to some degree. As he started to thrust I knew this was it. I was a total fucking bitch. He would never see me as his buddy, or a man. He would see me as his faggot. A hole.

“Please…” I whimpered. I should have known he would read that wrong.

“Don’t worry baby. Daddy’s gonna take real good care of you.”

I couldn’t help myself. I started to moan as he pumped into me.

“You do like this don’t you?” He stroked my ass cheek. “Lucky for you because we’re gonna do this a lot more often.” I bowed my head to the floor submissively and took it, took all that he had for me. I wasn’t a man anymore. I was Art’s bitch. And it felt way too fucking good.

“Shit bro. Imma breed you.” He grunted.

“Yeah.” I grunted back. He laughed as he started to cum, thrusting his hot load way up my ass. Eventually he sighed. He helped pull me up to my knees and almost instinctively I started to clean off his dick with his mouth. I don’t know what the fuck came over me, it just felt right.

He moaned and wrapped his hands in my hair.

“Good bitch.” He sighed. I slowly pulled off him. “Fuck you have an amazing pussy dude.” He said. “That’s mine now you know? You’re my little fag bitch. I own you.” I stood up shakily, feeling his load drip out of my ass. I slowly started to get dressed.

“Yeah man.” I agreed. “You totally owned me.” I pulled on a shirt. “We gotta go or we’ll be late.”

I was pretty fuck dumb, I’ll be honest. I was still processing when we reached the gig. Art wasn’t. He dove right in. I never really had a chance to get my thoughts together- it was part of his master plan, erzincan escort keeping me dumb and confused and slightly horny as he turned my life upside down.

“I’m gonna cut a long story short.” Art said as we reached the gig, and to my horror he clasped my hand. “McNally and I are fucking. He’s my boyfriend. You’re all gonna be cool about it because none of you are cunts right?” I must have been as gobsmacked as everyone else when he said that, but I couldn’t bring myself to protest. What if he just told everyone how I took it like a little bitch?

He noticed me turning red.

“Don’t be embarrassed, babe. We’re all cool right?” The guys nodded their agreement. They even bought us drinks to celebrate and shook my hand, congratulating me. I wanted to scream how fucked up it was, and that I was straight for fuck’s sake… but all fucking night Art kept his hand possessively on my neck and gave me little firm glances.

“Your ass is mine.” He reminded me from time to time. And I couldn’t deny that.

I was buying another pint when the lass behind the counter started flirting with me. I could feel it and I grinned at her as she made a cheeky joke. She messed up my payment and had to lean so far over the register in that skimpy top she was wearing.

“So you got a name?” She glanced up at me, and I felt a firm hand on the small of my back.

“Barking up the wrong tree love.” Art said, looking her up and down. He gently took my chin in his hands and tilted it up.

He leant down to kiss me chastely- and I wish I’d thrown him off me and snogged the cute girl pouring my beer but…

Of course I didn’t. I could feel the last vestiges of my manhood falling away. I didn’t know how to get out under Art’s thumb. I bowed my head submissively as he paid for my drink and led me back outside.

That was change number one.

I wasn’t the cute single gym rat on campus. I was the cute gay guy who would, apparently, do anything for his older boyfriend.

I already did most of the cleaning because Art was a ditz. But he wanted some other changes.

“New rules Mac.” He said as I came home one day and began to strip for him. I don’t know why I’d agreed but he didn’t like me to wear clothes in the house. He didn’t mind panties or a jock if I was cleaning and actually he even let me have an apron if I was cooking… but very shortly after he bitched me the rule inside was basically no clothes.

“That ass is mine. We agreed.” He said when I protested. “It’s been mine ever since.” Which was true. I couldn’t offer resistance against him. Once you’re claimed bareback, another man’s cum deep inside of you, it changes you. It turns you into a bitch. He’s the alpha, and I knew it. “I want to see my ass at all times.” He said. I swallowed and undressed.

“Good boy.” I felt a little butterfly at that. He really had bitched me, to the point where pleasing him got me hard.

“You do all the laundry now. You cook all the meals. You do what I want when I ask. Don’t you, cumrag?” Yeah, he’d changed my name. He wasn’t wrong. Currently I existed at home silently, often kneeling in front of him with my cheeks spread, waiting for him to use me. My name was just a reflection of my status. I blushed and nodded. It made sense. It wasn’t much more than I did anyway, and it wasn’t like I could put up a fight.

“Yes, Art.” He sighed.

“And from now on you call me master. Got it?”

I blinked.

“Please…” It was just too much. I was already naked and on display for him. I was already his slave. But he raised his eyebrows.

“You have an objection, cumrag? My boy who I own? My little bitch who let his ass be claimed and is now mine in every way? You think you have the right to defy the man, the real man, who owns you?” I shook my head.

“No, master.”

“Good boy.”

Before I knew it we were in a routine. I slept with him every night, of course I did… What if he wanted my ass during the night? I woke up before him to prepare him breakfast and coffee. I greeted him with the coffee in bed, and sometimes he’d ask me to give him a blow job which I wasn’t very good at, but I was getting better. Mostly he just liked me in my resting position- kneeling, legs spread, ass up head down. I spent most of my waking hours like that these days.

I sat like that as he ate breakfast and he admired me. Sometimes he would have me twerk and I’d moan as my dick grazed the table.

“We have to do something about that.” He muttered. Fuck. He was totally gonna cage my dick. Not that I ever got to use it really- although he did allow me to touch myself sometimes when he fucked me. He said he loved hearing me beg to cum.

I still went to class and to my job. He had access to my bank account but he wasn’t really using it. I think he just liked the control he had. He liked that I texted him to check if it was ok if I got a coffee or met up with my friends for beers.

My escort erzincan friends didn’t know the extent of it. It was enough for me that I was now their gay friend. They’d worked out pretty easily Art was on top and I did get a bit of teasing about it, but not enough to stop me from seeing them. It felt like a little normality in a life that was turned on its head.

Sometimes Art was even nice to me. I’d come home, strip and get dinner ready and he would play with my ass and ask about my day and how I was doing in school. Sometimes he’d pull me on to the couch with him, instead of letting me rest at his feet like usual. Sometimes when he got drunk he told me he loved me, which I knew wasn’t true because who loved a cumrag?

“Cumrag.” He called to me. I stopped what I was doing and knelt at his feet. He ruffled my hair. “We’re about to have a discussion about something and you won’t like it.” I mean, the guy had already taken over my life. This was just one more thing.

“Yes, master.”

“That big fucking dick of yours.” He said. Ah. So he was gonna lock it up. I sighed. It wasn’t as though I was ever gonna fuck with it again, he’d made that clear. I was never going to fuck anything again, except maybe a blow up doll for his entertainment. But I liked having it. I liked to touch it, when I was permitted.

“Yes, master. I understand.” I said quietly. He tilted my chin up to look at him.

“You’re such a well behaved bitch aren’t you? You never put up a fight. I guess you knew deep down you were always meant to be my little cumrag.” I blinked. I guess so. “You have a choice Mac.” He stroked my face. “I’m going to lock you up, permanently, or we can try this.” He held out a little white pill. “I won’t lock you up, but it is gonna shrink that dick of yours right down. I don’t know how much. It’s to remind you that I’m the man, and you’re the fag. You’ll probably find you can’t fuck with it but I wasn’t gonna let you fuck anyway. You’ll still be able to touch yourself, I know you like that. So. Big and caged, maybe you’ll be freed one day? Who knows? And then you’ll still have that big dick you used to boast about so much. Maybe a little smaller, I hear permanent chastity does that. Or would you prefer small and free? It’ll be too small to please anyone. It’ll be shameful. Anyone who sees it will know exactly what you are. It’s your choice cumrag.”

I blinked at him and felt myself grow red with shame. What kind of man would ever be on his knees, grateful to have the choice? But I wasn’t a man anymore.

“Master, it’s your choice.” He chuckled.

“You’re so good, baby. But this one really is up to you. I’m going to find it hot either way.” I nodded.

“Then the pill please master.”

“Very well.” He fed it to me and I sighed as I ate it, knowing my submission had reached new lows.

“Good boy.” He said. “We’ll see the effects tomorrow.” He was playful and kind all night. I think I’d made the right choice.

I greeted him in a jock in the morning and he relished peeling it off me.

The reveal was fascinating in its own way. My once proud cock- 20cm at least was under half the length now. It had lost a lot of girth as well. The coke bottle was more like a thumb. I suspected it would be dwarfed by a toilet roll.

“8cm.” He grunted as he measured. “Cute. I would have liked even smaller but this suits you cumrag.”

“Thank you master.”

“What do you think?” I tried to hide a smile. What did I think? As if it mattered.

“Are you happy master?” He grinned at me, holding my new little dick in his hand.

“Aw Mac.” He said. “I have a subby little fag on hand every day who just shrunk their dick purely because I wanted it. I’m very happy.” I looked at him as he stroked my face.

“I think it’s humiliating master. But I suspect you like that.” Art beamed. I was glad my honesty paid off.

“Breakfast.” He said.

I twerked for him on the kitchen table as he ate. I noticed I couldn’t get friction in the same way I used to. Art sent me off to school with a pat on my ass and another on my smooth crotch.

“I’ll see you tonight.” Oh yeah. We were going out tonight. I still wasn’t used to us in company. He owned me, but he hadn’t totally broken my personality. He told me not to be awkward around him- we were boyfriends after all. I should love him.

So I joked with my friends like usual, and when Art arrived I went to sit on his lap. I didn’t like PDA but Art found it endearing.

“Aw.” He murmured as I leant my head on his chest. “Did someone miss me?”

“Yeah it’s been hours.” I joked. He squeezed my waist and stuck one hand down my pants under the table. He fondled my little dick and I started to get hard under his touch. He grunted in amusement and gave it a squeeze before moving his hand to what he really liked, my ass. He pushed a finger in and I let him, without wiggling or moaning. It was his ass, what was I meant to do?

I erzincan escort bayan was always embarrassed with Art around my friends, it was so obvious I was a piece of meat for him. He manhandled me and told me what to do, albeit softly. He insisted on treating me, telling me my money was no good, and making sure I was by his side at all times. I was his needy little boyfriend. I suppose thats marginally better than being his needy little faggot.

I couldn’t believe it, but I was glad he shrunk my dick. I got to play with it way more now that it was small. He actually liked seeing it cum, especially because I was kinda premature now- it was just so sensitive. I was so grateful not to have it caged that I relished the teasing and the humiliation.

Not that there was ever any doubt about my place as his cumrag but now even looking at us it was clear who was the man and who was the fag. He made me grow out my hair a little, he liked to play with it. He experimented with keeping my whole body shaved, but eventually decided he like me hairy.

“I mean you’re my bitch, aren’t you cumrag? You’re not a girl.” I didn’t know about that. I was whatever he wanted.

He didn’t fuck with my diet or exercise too much- after all he liked my body the way it was. He did watch my beer intake and I obviously had a curfew so I maybe dropped a few kilos initially. I was terrified they would come from my ass- because as bad as it was being his little cumrag, it would be even worse to know what a bitch I was and be kicked out.

I’d been horny and stupid since he fucked me. And each new degrading thing he made me do only made me lower and more confused and hornier. I would be lost without him.

Eventually I graduated. He helped me get a job.

“Can’t have you lying around all day cumrag. And you need to start saving.” I didn’t know what I was saving for but I bowed my head.

“Yes master.”

The job was great, and I was pretty good at it. I actually ended up getting kind of a massive promotion after a year and managing my own team. It was the first time I’d been around people who never knew me as the super straight dude who played sports and slept around. Everyone in my office knew from day one I was gay and head over heels for Art. It made me blush everyday.

My coworker who sat next to me, Melissa, was beautiful. Tall and blonde with a tan left over from summer.

“That your boyfriend?” She noticed the picture of him he had me place on my desk. I looked over at her. Fuck she was so beautiful. The kind of girl I would have loved. But now, even if I wanted to I couldn’t fuck her.

“Yeah that’s Art.” I tried to say cheerily. “He basically owns me.” She laughed. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Art could tell I was crushing on her when he met her at the work Christmas do that year. She was single, which almost made the whole thing harder because I was so close to the role of boyfriend for her- we joked, I held her hand when she had a rough day, we even went to the movies once or twice- if Art allowed it.

“Now we can’t have that.” He muttered to me, as he watched me stealing glances of her on the dance floor. I looked away. It wasn’t like I was going to act on it. He tutted. He wanted all of me, body and mind and soul… and if I was looking at a woman he didn’t have that.

We got home and he wanted to watch TV so I knelt before him and he used my ass as a footrest. My dick was hard in spite of myself, but it just stuck out uselessly. I couldn’t hump the air.

Eventually he wanted me and knelt behind me. I stuck my ass up and spread my cheeks a little. I’m always lubed. It saves time. He experimented with butt plugs but he likes the look of my hole too much to make that permanent.

“It’s your lucky day cumrag.” He kissed me as he pounded my ass and I moaned. “You can play with yourself whenever my dick is in you.” Was that a trick? There was no way.

“Thank you master.” I panted. I didn’t reach for my dick though. He laughed.

“Good boy. There are caveats. I will give you some phrases to learn. Repeat them whenever you touch yourself.”

They ranged from true and obscene to not true and kind of sweet.

“I’m a faggot.” I panted. “I’m Art’s stupid faggot with a tiny cock. I worship real men. I am below real men. I am a bitch for alpha men. I love Art. I love his soft lips. I love his big, strong body. I love his big dick in my ass. My ass belongs to Art. I’m his bitch. His faggot.” Ad infinitum. I knew what he was doing, and it was working. He was twisting my horny brain so I couldn’t look twice at women. He wanted me to serve only him.

He started taking me out sometimes. I was so confused.

“Master is there something wrong with my cooking? I can try harder. What would you like to eat?” He chuckled and ruffled my hair.

“No, cumrag. If anything, your cooking improves by the day.”

“I’ll be good at home, master. I swear I always follow the rules. You don’t have to take me out with you.”

“I know you do, you’re a good boy. Now get dressed. We’re going out to dinner.”

I sat awkwardly opposite him. This wasn’t part of the deal, I thought. What deal though? The one where you unconditionally serve your former friend because apparently your ass is addictive?

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a band in the crack rock squad, simaller to choking victim, INDK, Leftover Crack, and the Crack Rock Steady 7......note that these including morning glory are all pretty much the same band with a member change here and there hence the "Crack Rock Squad"
joe: so i hear the crs changed there name again
bill: yeah they were morning glory last year and this year they'll be crack rock steady 7
por joe levy 21 de Outubro de 2003
(noun)early-morning hard-on (erection) brought on by a full bladder and awakening with sex-related thoughts or from a sexual dream.
I enjoyed my morning glory by fingering myself for a moment,lubricating my cockhead with some spittle,then gently rolling her over and mounting her while she was still asleep.
por Jake 20 de Janeiro de 2004
The state of awakening after having an extremely good (usually sex-related) dream, in which the body is extra- sensitive to ordinary phenomena and everything just seems perfect for once. Can occur with both sexes but the effects are much more noticeable (and appreciated) with females. This effect usually only lasts for 5-10 minutes after awakening, so enjoy it.
I can never enjoy my morning glory because my younger brother or mom is always coming in at the wrong time.....
por Shawn B. 13 de Outubro de#erection #penis #dick #cock #humiliation
por Sam Wren 27 de Maio de 2007
a type of firework that is similar to a sparkler in which the person who lights it lights the tissue paper on the top of the morning glory which causes it to ignite. they are commonly multi-colored in appearance and have a striped pattern. they tend to produce such effects as changing colors, crackling, etc...
"Dude! That morning glory looks cool!"
por Rob 21 de Junho de 2004
When your mad at your partner for not giving you any sex the night before, you wake up in the morning and start to masturbate in front of their face. Right when your about to come, you wake them up and blow your load in their face.
My girlfriend was pissy and wouldn't give me any, so I gave her a morning glory.
#sex #masturbate #morning #glory #cumming
por Grndzro619 18 de Dezembro de 2008
a tasty vegetable dish in Thailand
Fried Morning Glory: Crisp and snappy Morning Glory sautéed with fresh garlic and soybean sauce.
por caipilicious 07 de Setembro de 2004
when u wake up in the morning and u find that u just had a wet dream
man i was dreamin about my hot ass biology teacher, and when i woke up i found my morning glory
#wet dream #cum #semen #cream #a sticky situation
por nigga gus 26 de Abril de 2008
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Wednesday, November 29, 2023

Big Dick First

Welcome to “Big Dick First,” where we explore the complex erotic desires of gay men who put penis at the forefront of every sexual encounter. We’ll take you deep into the wanton desires of these massive men-lovers as they search for that thick, throbbing piece of male perfection that sets them aflame. From the oversized and super-sized to the comprehensive selection of sizes in between, no dick is left uncovered. We’ll journey deep into the world of big dick-dom, from its symbols and imagery to the intense, physical encounters these gay men dream of and long for. Buckle up, because this is one ride you won’t want to miss!

Table of Contents

1. Exploring the Magnificent World of Big Dick First

The magnificent world of bigdick first can be quite intimidating, particularly for those who are apprehensive about exploring the vast and powerful realm of bigdick pleasure. But rest assured, it’s worth taking the plunge!

Investigate the enticing and tantalizing multitude of sensations available through exploring bigdick. Revel in hearing its name whispered reverently by admirers, near and far. Feel its thick, sturdy shaft enter your body and give you a large dose of delight. Experience the intense pleasure of its hefty girth, as it slides inside of you. Explore the profound sensation of being filled with a bigdick, as its curves and contours both fascinate and satisfy.

  • Indulge in the integral human experience of deeply connecting with bigdick love.
  • Enjoy the alluring sensations of its movements and thrusts.
  • Delight in the unique pleasure a bigdick can bring.

2. Revel in the Erotic Power of Big Dicks

A Penis Lover’s Delight

Immerse yourself in a heady world of arousal and ecstasy as you indulge in the irresistible beauty and sheer sensual pleasure of big dicks. Let your imagination go wild as you revel in their magnificence, from the hefty size to the velvety texture of drool-worthy cocks. Fall in love with the beauty of every throbbing thrust and enjoy thrilling, newfound pleasure as you savor the forbidden fruit of these tantalizing cocks.

  • Savoring the size: Whether you prefer the mouthwatering girth of a huge cock or a more slender, yet still sizable shaft, bathe in the rapture of feeling completely filled.
  • Indulging in the depth: Explore the exquisite pleasure of penetrating depths only experienced with a big dick and revel in the explosive intensity of passionate, unfaltering penetration.
  • Examining the texture: Touch, caress, and taste the unparalleled perfection of a big dick – from the salon smoothness of the head to the muscular ridges of the neck to the soft, velvety skin of the shaft.

Why not let yourself go and surrender to the majestic majesty of big dicks? Explore how far your pleasure can take you and embrace the passionate power of big dicks. Make the thrilling journey to blissful heights of arousal; the ultimate erotic experience is just a few inches away!

3. Letting Go and Taking the Plunge into Big Dick Play

Sometimes taking the plunge and letting go with your partner is the best way to explore big dick play. Enjoying a significant size difference with your partner can bring about extreme and exciting possibilities. Here are some tips for getting the most out of the experience.

  • Encourage your partner to relax and focus on being in the moment
  • Discreetly stretch the orifice with a dilator prior to penetration - if necessary
  • Communicate regularly, check in with respect to your partner’s comfort and pleasure
  • Use plenty of lubricant!
  • Consider using a penis pump for an extra few inches!
  • Remember, the size of the penis isn’t what matters - it’s how you use it that counts.

Take your time and enjoy the deep penetration. Playing with big dicks can feel surprisingly erotic and intimate and make you feel intensely fulfilled. Experiencing those intense sensations together can bring a special closeness and connection to your relationship.

4. Discover the Pleasure and Liberating Feelings of Big Dick Experiences

Discovering the liberating feelings of big dick experiences shouldn’t be a nerve-wracking experience; it’s something to embrace and explore with free-spirited abandon. Whether you decide to take on the whole 10-12 inch crown or prefer a slightly more manageable 8-10, knowing how to move and maneuver within these larger parameters translates to a truly liberating feeling.

Having a go at some of the wildest positions and acts of pleasure can occur when you unleash yourself to the freedom of the size. Forget the fear of not fitting and enjoy the benefits of feeling completely filled and free at the same time. Try the butterfly or the 9-inch express and allow yourself to embrace the fullness of every inch of your partner’s thick cock.

  • Enjoy the comfort of being filled to the maximum
  • Push your limits with wilder, riskier postures
  • Unleash yourself from the fear of not fitting
  • Experiment beyond your comfort zone

In Retrospect

As the twink’s tight butt hole finally released its grip, marveling in orgasm, memories of “Big Dick First” were created in both of their minds, sealed in a passionate embrace. Now, with that night’s ecstasy still lingering in their body’s heat, there can never be a doubt: big dick always comes first.

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Bollywood Sluts :Deepika's New Shoot- Take 1

Deepika’s New Shoot- Take 1

Deepika Padukone stared at her naked reflect into the mirror in her bedroom as she put down a script that she had received from a leading Bollywood producer. She ran her hand through her long dark hair, which ended below her pert 33B breasts. At 5’8”, she was tall for an Indian actress, with long never ending legs and a toned ass that her fans loved. The 30 year old athletic beauty had a dream run in Bollywood – billed as one of the top actresses in the country, she had won awards, accolades from across the country.

She had been wooed by not only the top production houses but also the best actors from across the country. As she stared at herself in the mirror, admiring the curves of her body, she contemplated over the script.

“It’s a powerful story but the steamy sex scenes may prove too controversial in this country” she told herself.

When the director had come home to drop off the script he had told her “Deepika, keep an open mind while reading the script – there are some very steamy sex scenes – those scenes are essential to the storyline.

As he paused to gauge her reaction, he continued “We want to push the boundaries with this movie…there will be partial nudity during the sex scenes, we obviously won’t show the essentials – the censor board would go nuts – but we will want to show both you and the male actor in a semi-nude state.”

The sex scenes, he explained were necessary to show the passion of the lead couple, a necessary precursor to the remaining storyline of the turbulent, complex relationship between the couple.

After reading the script, Deepika understood the director’s point on the importance of the sex scenes. A few years ago she would have balked at a script like this but as the years passed she had gotten more confident as an actress and as an artist. She was tired of the run of the mill movies. She wanted to take on challenging roles, push the boundaries of art and what better way than to act in the first of its kind mainstream movie with steamy sex scenes.

“Who knows, I may even enjoy the sex scenes” joked the leggy lass to herself. She thought back on the alleged steamy scenes – all of which were child’s play compared to what this movie expected.

Deepika remembered one of the intimate scenes in a movie with Farhan Akhtar in a movie where his character suffered from a split personality. The prelude to the steamy scene was a song featuring both the actor and her in a club. During one of the intimate dance scenes, she had to grind her fabulous pert ass against Farhan’s crotch. She chuckled as she remembered, how by the 4th take, she could feel Farhan’s erect cock against her pert ass. Deepika wasn’t a prude – she took it as a compliment that she could still get a married man’s cock erect in the middle of a shoot filled with extras, cameras and crew.

“Poor Farhan had a tough time walking back to his trailer after that shoot”, she remembered.

The next scene, was much more intimate. It involved Farhan’s character coming back to Deepika’s character’s apartment and both of them getting cosy. The scene had Farhan sitting on a sofa, slightly drunk, while a very drunk Deepika climbed onto his lap while wearing a revealing halter top and jeans that showcased her ass and long legs. As she undid the clip holding up her beautiful black hair and looked into his eyes, while his hands held her around her hips, she became very conscious of the intimacy.

She remembered thinking to herself “God, I’m actually getting turned on!”

The script required a deep kiss – Deepika remembered how, as she bent down to kiss Farhan, as she slipped her tongue into his mouth, she felt his cock jump against her crotch causing her involuntarily to grind her pussy against his cock as she sat on his lap – their crotches rubbing against each other. As her breasts mashed up against his strong chest, Deepika forgot for a moment that they were in the middle of a shoot and moaned into his mouth – until the director shouted “cut!”, praising both actors for the realistic scene. Deepika was flushed and blushed slightly as she reluctantly rose from Farhan’s lap, giving him enough cover to grab a pillow to hide his erection from the rest of the crew.

As she scanned her memory for other similar scenes, she remembered a particularly steamy song from an older movie of hers with multiple twists. The movie was a senseless action movie where she was paired against Saif Ali Khan, a leading actor. The song had her dressed up in all kinds of sexy outfits – basically the equivalent of bikini tops or short dresses aimed at showcasing her firm 34B breasts and never-ending long legs.

Since the song was meant to showcase the beginning of a steamy relationship between Saif and her, the song had Saif running his hands over her entire body while she ground her ass into his cock – “Poor Saif had a perpetual erection that day”, she laughed to herself.

She was close to Saif, having acted with him in many movies, and even joked about the erections with him during the scenes while out of the earshot of everybody. At times when they had to shoot a sequence while hugging each other, Deepika, remembered, she would naughtily slip her hand between both their bodies and squeeze Saif’s cock under the guise of straightening out her dress.

“Haha! Poor Saif just couldn’t get the expressions right after those discrete squeezes – earning him a shouting from the director”, Deepika recounted to herself.

Saif would try getting back by grinding his hard cock against her tight ass or pussy but as Deepika remembered that had more of an effect on him than her. Things had gotten really steamy in the last sequence of the song which was shot in an infinity pool spilling into the ocean. Wearing a skimpy blue bikini top and a pair of equally skimpy white hot pants, Deepika had to lie on her back on a half-naked Saif who was already lying down in the pool. As she got into the position and they waited for the camera to get into action, she felt Saif’s hard dick against her ass.

She chuckled and without looking back, asked him “Doesn’t that thing ever go soft?”

He naughtily replied “Not as long as your sexy butt is grinding against it Deepika.”

She smiled at the compliment, and slowly began grinding her shapely butt against his hard cock – he moaned into her ear, warning her that the crew was close by – she shushed him, telling him that they were far away since it was a wide angle shot. As she continued to feel his hard cock grinding against her ass, she heard the director shouting at the cameraman – apparently, the camera crane had developed a hitch – Deepika called out to the Director and told him that they were quite enjoying the water and the sunset and asked him to take his time getting the shot setup. Since there was a lot of water around the pool that they were lying in, none of the crew came close – thus giving the actors limited privacy in the pool, as long as everything happened under water.

Horny by now, Deepika remembered how she slowly guided Saif’s hands over her shorts – his fingers took over from there – he slowly worked his way through the zippers and began to stroke her clit through the panties that she wore under the shorts – as she moaned and began to grind against him harder, she told him “Finger me babe!”

He smiled and slipped two fingers under her panties and into her pussy while continuing to stroke her clit with his thumb. It didn’t take much for Deepika to reach an orgasm – her grip on his hand tightened as her entire body stiffened, she drew in a loud gasp of air as she tried stifling a lustful moan. As his hand withdrew from Deepika’s shorts, she squeezed his cock in gratitude and he moaned while shooting his load into the pool. He couldn’t have cum earlier, as the camera crane came back online.

As she found herself wet and fingering herself after recounting all the steamy scenes in her career, Deepika decided, in a horny state of mind, that she was going to do the movie, knowing well that it may open new avenues in Hollywood. As she fingered herself to an orgasm, she picked up her phone and messaged the director that she would take up the movie and that she was open to all “necessary scenes”.

The director was ecstatic, sending her a million smileys.

Shooting started quickly – the sex scenes were set to be filmed on the tenth day of the shooting. The day before, the director called both Deepika and the male actor Abhishek Bachchan into his trailer.

He told them “Tomorrow we shoot the sex scenes – as I told both of you, we are going to push the boundaries but we haven’t decided the err…” he hesitated “the format of the sex scene and I wanted your inputs…the scene basically showcases the first passionate steamy sexual encounter of the couple in question”.

He looked at both of them.

Deepika smiled and asked the director “You basically want to know which sex position we should engage in while shooting the scene?”

The director looked at her sheepishly and said “Yeah, kind of…”

Deepika giggled, looked at the director and her blushing co-star and said “Well if we are looking at a passionate scene, how about Abhishek starts by kissing me when we enter the flat – he then rips off my shirt – tearing off the buttons – he then makes me bend over the back of the sofa, pulls down by pants and panties and drills me into the sofa.”

Both the actor and director had their jaws on the floor after hearing Deepika’s point of the fact description of the sex scene.

“What!?” she asked, “You asked me to tell you!”

The director snapped out of his shock and said “Yes, absolutely, that sounds good!”

The wardrobe manager came into the trailer to discuss their outfits while the director slipped out. She told Deepika, “For tomorrow, we are thinking you wear simple business wear – an embroidered white shirt and black pants, since your lingerie is going to be visible during the scene, we are thinking, maybe a sexy black lace set of bra and panties”.

Deepika nodded smiling, asking whether it would be better to swap the panties for a thong – especially since her character wouldn’t wear panties with a pair of tight pants because of the panty lines. The manager agreed.

So it was finally D-day. The crew was kept at minimal – just three cameraman, the director, his assistant and the two actors.

Take 1

Deepika and Abhishek walk into the apartment after their date – as they look into each other’s eyes, Abhishek pulls her into him and passionately begins to kiss her while running his hands over her body – Deepika was quite taken aback with the kiss, he was a really good kisser and just as she began to get into the kiss, she felt her shirt ripped open – the buttons tearing of revealing her breasts firmly ensconced in a sexy partially transparent black bra and she felt his hands run up and grope her breasts, gently tweaking her nipples.

As Deepika threw her head back moaning, she felt the back of the sofa against the back of her thighs. Abhishek turned her around pushed her over the sofa and unbuttoned her pants, pulling them down, displaying her thong covered ass to the room – her ass looked even more fantastic precisely because of the black lace thong. Going with the spontaneity, he leant forward and softly bit her ass. As Deepika moaned – no acting this time, Abhishek unbuttoned his own pants and began to simulate fucking Deepika from behind while pulling back her ponytail with one hand, wrapping his other hand around her waist. Deepika could feel his hard cock through the material of her panties and his boxers – the fact that they were doing this before other people sent bolts of excitement through her body – as she felt him grope her breast, she could feel her nipples stiffen – her pussy was wet and she could smell the scent of her sex – she was sure that everybody in the room could smell it by now.

“Cut” yelled the director – he clapped his hands and said “fantastic guys!”

As the actor’s assistants rushed with robes, both Deepika and Abhishek wore the robes over their undergarments while smiling at each other – both knew that other was turned on. The actors and the director crowded around the director’s screen to look at the scene – while the scene was definitely hot – Deepika could see the bulge in the director’s lap – they all agreed that it didn’t look realistic enough. The fact that both Deepika and Abhishek were wearing their under-clothes simply made the scene look less than real.

The Director looked at them and asked, almost pleadingly, “Are you guys okay taking off the underwear, all of it– we’ll make sure the camera doesn’t get any privates?”

Deepika looked at the director with raised eyebrows – she wasn’t expecting to be completely naked but then again she saw the director’s point – the director sensing her hesitation told her, “Deepika, we can use nipple pasties on your breasts and maybe put a sock over Abhishek’s penis so that there is no direct contact between it and your butt while he simulates the sex scene”.

Deepika looked smiling at him and told him “I hate nipple pasties, they are a bitch to take off and honestly, I’m a big girl. I can handle a cock rubbing against my ass for a couple of minutes”.

The director was ecstatic, thanking god in his head for a co-operative actress in an industry of prudes.

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Diary 2021 (93) July 14th / 15th Two quiet days

Wednesday, July 14th, I went online in the morning and to my surprise met Mistress Jenny. She took me to Dommes in Distress and removed her skirt to get her pleasure and to provide my fix. Unfortunately my RL kicked in and – already aroused – I had to go afk. It took longer that I thought and upon my return Mistress had to leave *sighs*. We returned home and to my suprise Mistress unlocked my pumps and allowed me free choice of clothing. I still fail to predict Mistress Jenny’s decisions. Then Mistress and I logged off.

July 14th: Mistress Jenny being served by Ehesklavin Diomita at Dommes in Distress

I met Mistress again in the afternoon for 2 hours. Mistress allowed me to lick her first thing and she and I enjoyed it. And I got a double dose of my fix. Thank you, Mistress. That was a nice start into the afternoon. We spent the rest of our time together at club Domme a Domme and Puerto Esclava, nothing exciting happened though.
After Mistress had left to turn to her RL, I spend some more time at Puerto Esclava. Slave Holly came inworld and I visited her at Psi’s realm before I had to leave myself.

July 14th: Mistress Jenny and Diomita at home, at club Domme a Domme and at Puerto Esclava / Diomita and slave Holly at Psi’s realm

Mistress Jenny was not inworld at night. I played a skipee with Flo first. Then we went to Psi’s realm where slave Holly was still tied up. I had intended to stay there but nothing was going on at Psi’s realm that night and hence I released slave Holly from the chains and took her and Flo to Carnal Intentions. There we had at least some eye candy. Yet, also at Carnal it was abnormally quiet. After half an hour we returned home and played another skipee.

July 14th: Diomita with Flo and slave Holly at Carnal Intentions / Diomita and slave Holly at home

Flo went to bed after the game and I took slave Holly with me to the bathroom. I had an extended peeing session with her and allowed her to rub herself against my foot afterwards. I do spoil her *winks*.

I had a busy day on Thursday, July 15th. Nonetheless I could meet with Mistress Jenny in the later afternoon and we had time to catch up with our mutual news at Puerto Esclava.

July 15th: Mistress Jenny and Diomita at Puerto Esclava / Diomita at Carnal Intentions with slave Holly and Elena

My night was relaxed. slave Holly came inworld right in time as I had to pee. I took her to Carnal Intentions later where Elena (Elenaslv Serenity) joined us. We chatted mostly amoung us as not much was going on at the club. I returned home with slave Holly at midnight, roamed around another half hour and went off to bed.

Addendum: slave Holly sent me a few pictures of her at Psi’s realm, of her rubbing herself at my feet and of her doing her cleaning chores. I had left slave Holly with quite heavy vision restrictions to make her cleaning chores a bit harder. She had to find the spots to clean just from her memory – not that easy. But a slave’s life mustn’t be easy, as opposed to I had fun knowing that it was hard for her. Am I mean? well, sometimes a little bit *winks*

July 14th/15h: slave Holly at Psi’s realm / at home with Diomita / doing her cleaning ch


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Keress bármilyen szót, mint például: thotBeküldő: Smack Baby 2011. október 23.
The head of a penis that has been inserted and removed from an anus.
Sara forgot to take a dump before i pounded her asshole, when i pulled out my cock was covered in shit. I hate cleaning up a muddy helmet.
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A piece of poop found under the foreskin after having anal sex

AKA boabie joabe or tadger toalie and foreskin fajita
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In his stimulating paper, "Chatting Is Not Cheating," John Portmann defends online lust and characterizes about sex; he maintains that such talking is more similar to flirting than to having a sexual affair.

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